Jesus and Justin Sitting in a Tree (or, ‘on’ a tree . . . oooh.)


January 10, 2012

In case you were concerned that your favorite pop rock stars were not holy enough, Justin Bieber has saved the day. He is now sporting two tattoos of his main man, Jesus.

That’s right, Bieber’s true ‘common denominator’ (aaah) has proven to be Jesus!

In an interview, Bieber said, “I focus more on praying and talking to Him. I don’t have to go to church.”

(Ultimately, you have Martin Luther to thank for that one.)

Doesn't Jesus look like he is saying, 'What a douchebag?"

The sweet little boy from . . . shit, I have no idea where he’s from . . . continued in a very Christlike humble vein, “Now that I’m on top, everyone wants to bring me down. Everyone’s trying to tug at me and take my spot. Like Floyd Mayweather – he’s the best boxer in the world. Now he is a champion. Every time he goes to a fight now, people are like, ‘He’s going to lose this time.'”

Yep. Just like Floyd Mayweather and the Son of God, once you’re on top everyone wants to bring you down.

Oh Justin, my next book on martyrdom will include you.

(And to think, Polycarp, you could have just showed your commitment to Christ via a tat. Sucker!)

But, hey, that’s what a real commitment to Christ will get ya. Persecution, man! All those mean ol’ atheists and secularists are so angry because you got a tattoo of Jesus. They’re obviously just jealous of how proud you are to be his follower. The world just hates someone so thoroughly committed to the path of Jesus that they would dare ink themselves so they would never forget that Jesus is the ‘reason’ for a person’s stardom.

That’s right. Bieber said he never wants to forget that Jesus has put him where he is today.

Soooooo . . . basically what he is saying is that Jesus is responsible for all of those horribly, horribly atrocious songs he sings.

Well, if that’s the case, I now understand why they had to crucify him.

I'm guessing this is where Jesus became inspired to write the lyrics, "Baby, we can go nowhere but up from here."