He died and I waited
And wondered if there would be another,
Wondered if the empty might go away by my waiting.
I waited for you
To tell me what to do
And where to go
And how to make the empty go away.
But you never came
You never called
And the empty stayed.
I became desperate
And hid behind my veil
I hoped that you wouldn’t see me
And prayed that you would.
I gave you myself
And settled for the price of a promise.
A goat. Was that all?
But I went home
And tried to forget
Until the day that forgetting became impossible
Remembrance was growing inside me
They found me out
And brought me before you
So that you could make me disappear
But I held your name in my hand
Your seed in my womb
I had fooled you,
Yet still felt alone and afraid,
As if the sin was all mine to bear.
Was your unrighteousness so much less than mine?
My hunger overcame me
And now the fire awaits me.
Why is it mine alone?
He died and I waited
And wondered if I could afford to lose another,
Wondered if you might go away by my waiting.
I waited for you
To find something to do
Somewhere to go
And really just to go away.
So I never came
I never called
And my own empty grew.
I became desperate.
And hid behind your veil.
I hoped that you wouldn’t see me
And feared that you would.
I took from you your self
And negotiated the price of a promise.
My goat. Was that too much?
But I went home
And forgot
Until the day that forgetting became impossible
Remembrance was growing inside you
You found me out
They brought you before me
And I no longer had the choice to disappear
You held my name in your hand
My seed in your womb
I had failed you,
Had left you alone and afraid,
As if the sin was all yours to bear.
But your unrighteousness was so much less than mine.
My hunger overcame me.
And now the fire awaits you.
It is not yours alone.