Religion in the news this past week? Here are the highlights:
*Amish guilty of investment fraud. (Thanks Amish. The dream is over.)
*Cheerleader/bodybuilder probably the next Perpetua because she didn’t take steroids. (Apparently, she has “sculpted arms and legs . . . [that] most men would envy”–don’t worry, she is praying that “the Lord” will keep her “humble.”)
*Lesbian denied communion at her mother’s funeral for “living with a woman.” (Well, I guess I’m out, too. Ah . . . get it?! I didn’t even mean to make that pun. Oh man. Let the good times roll.)
*Santorum is a theocrat. (The mystery is finally solved.)
*Ugandan Christians inherit the bigotry of their Christian colonizers. (Everybody has to hate somebody. Is that a country song?)
*It’s not cool to refer to those who believe in transubstantiation as ‘Jesus-eaters.’ (Is ‘literal-Jesus-partakers-of-the-divine’ more appropriate?)
*Ashes to go. (I’m not sure how I feel about being accosted by the local Episcopalian rector while I am peacefully waiting for my hot chocolate. Even worse, you know its the end of the world when Episcopalians start peddling their liturgy. Speaking of which, are you going to start serving Jesus to go, too? Just don’t forget the wine, brother.)
Theist and atheist argue online. (Absolutely unheard of.)
Minorities saved from the lower rungs of hell because of the LDS’s racist past. (White Mormons loved black Mormons so much they wanted to ‘protect’ them from possible evil repercussions of the priesthood. )
Well, I could go on, but the liquor store is closed and I don’t think I can do this without any booze. So, thanks everyone. I just want to say, you’re my inspiration.